Why Can't I Make Up My Mind?
No one would argue that empathy and the ability to build strong interpersonal relationships are essential traits in an effective leader. They are the very qualities that create trust, loyalty, and collaboration within a team. These qualities invite open communication, foster inclusion, and set the tone for a positive work culture. Many intelligent, accomplished professionals care deeply about their people. They take pride in listening well, in weighing all perspectives, and in creating environments where every voice matters. But for all their strengths, they can also present a quiet and frustrating challenge, which is the moment when everyone else’s viewpoint starts to muddy the waters of decision-making, resulting in indecisiveness.
When leaders are particularly strong in empathy, they may find themselves constantly calibrating their choices against the emotional ripple effects. What will she think? How will he take this? Decision-making is also stymied when an empathetic leader overemphasizes the personal situation of a team member. Rebecca has a lot on her plate at home, and I don’t want to overwhelm her at work. Robert’s mother just passed away, and I am worried he can’t handle any more change. The desire to consider everyone’s feelings is admirable. But the cost can be clarity, momentum, and ultimately, progress.
Similarly, a leader who places a lot of value on interpersonal relationships may find herself asking everyone’s opinion for fear that she will offend others if she does not seek their input. The result is often a stuck feeling. Sitting on a decision, overanalyzing the options, and living in fear of choosing "wrong." This is where many leaders find themselves asking, sometimes in frustration or even embarrassment, “Why can’t I just make up my mind?”
Here’s the truth. Indecision isn’t a flaw in your character; it’s often the byproduct of your strengths turned inward. Your empathy and your relational focus are doing their job. They’re helping you care. They’re helping you consider. But they’re not designed to be the final filter for leadership choices.
There comes a time when a leader must stop gathering input and start exercising judgment. That doesn’t mean becoming cold or inconsiderate. It means recognizing that you can still value your team’s feelings while choosing what’s best for the business. Leadership is often about making decisions despite discomfort, not avoiding it altogether.
So, what can you do?
Set a decision deadline. Give yourself a firm timeframe. Input gathering ends on this date, and the decision follows shortly after.
Clarify your priorities. Is this a people-first decision? A profitability decision? A values-based one? Knowing your criteria gives you a way to weigh options more confidently.
Accept the discomfort. Some people may not like your choice. That’s okay. Your role isn’t to please everyone, it’s to lead wisely and make the best decision for your business.
Empathy and valuing relationships do not have to be in conflict with effective decision making. When held in balance, they make for the most trusted and respected kind of leadership.
If you want to hear more about your Emotional Intelligence, book a free session via my website, and we can talk. In the meantime, go make some great decisions!