The Power of Shifting Negative Self-Talk
I was recently reviewing a client’s emotional intelligence assessment, and we started talking about negative self-talk. It’s something we all experience, often without realizing how much it shapes our confidence and choices.
The Problem with Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk reinforces your fears and insecurities, leading you down a dead-end road. Imagine telling yourself, “I’m not good at networking.” As you walk into a room full of people, that thought multiplies:
“What if I interrupt someone when I join a group?”
“What if I stumble over my words?”
“What if no one cares what I have to say?”
Before long, you’ve built a mental wall that keeps you from connecting. A single doubt has spiraled into a full-blown belief that holds you back.
How It Holds You Back
When you believe your own negative self-talk, you start avoiding opportunities to grow. You stop taking risks. You play small, and we aren’t here to play small; we are here to play big!
Think about it: you’d never say to a child, “Don’t bother trying out for the play. You’ve never acted before, and you probably won’t be any good.” Yet we tell ourselves versions of that every day.
Negative self-talk is usually rooted in the fear of failure. And yes, you might fail. But what’s the worst that could happen? If you’re afraid of public speaking because you might stumble on a few words, so what? With practice, you’ll stumble less. And even if you do trip over a phrase or two, the audience will still hear your message. Most people in that room don’t love public speaking either. They’ll understand.
Replacing the Negative with the Positive
Here’s the good news: you can train your inner voice to work for you, not against you.
When you catch yourself thinking about a weakness, stop and reframe it by focusing on your strengths. For example, instead of saying, “I’m terrible with technology,” try, “I’m logical and can follow directions, so I can learn this new system.” Instead of, “I’m not outgoing,” reframe it as, “I’m thoughtful and genuine, and that helps me build meaningful connections.”
It’s perfectly fine to recognize areas where you’re not yet strong; that’s how we grow. The key is to avoid turning those observations into self-criticism. Awareness should inspire improvement, not limit you.
Negative self-talk doesn’t just affect your confidence; it shapes your behavior, decisions, and results. The words you speak to yourself are powerful. When you start replacing the negative with the positive, you begin to rewrite the story you tell about who you are and what you’re capable of. So, the next time your inner critic pipes up, pause. Ask yourself: Would I say this to someone I care about? If not, change the narrative. Speak to yourself with the same encouragement and kindness you’d offer a friend. That’s where actual growth and emotional intelligence, begin. Do you want to work on your negative self-talk? Book a free discovery session via my website. I would love to work with you!