Forget Balance, Manage the Chaos
For years, we have been told to strive for work-life balance. The phrase suggests that if we manage our time well enough, work and life will somehow settle into equal, orderly halves. I don’t believe that anymore.
Early in my career, I thought I could “have it all.” I graduated with an accounting degree, joined Touche Ross (now Deloitte), got married, bought a home, and fully expected to continue climbing the career ladder. Then I had a baby.
Nothing was wrong with the plan. I had simply underestimated how much time and energy motherhood would require. Long commutes, long workdays, and a baby did not fit together very well, even with a supportive husband. Eventually, I left Touche, moved closer to family, and took a job with more predictable hours. Professionally, it felt like I had taken my foot off the accelerator. Personally, it gave me something I badly needed: room to breathe.
That experience taught me that balance is not a fixed destination. Life changes. Careers change. Children grow up. Parents age. Responsibilities shift. Technology makes it possible for work to follow us everywhere. The challenge is not to achieve perfect balance, but to keep adjusting intentionally as life changes. And importantly, the answer will not look the same for everyone. Comparison only adds another layer of pressure. What works at one time in your life, may not work in another. And, what works for one person, may not work for you.
I think of it as managing the chaos.
There are four practices that can help.
First, set goals for your personal life, not just your professional life. We are often disciplined about work goals but much less intentional about family, health, friendships, hobbies, faith or community involvement. Decide what matters most in this time of your life and give it the same attention you would give an important work priority.
Second, stop obsessing about work. I used to think about work while getting ready, driving, spending time with my family and even in the middle of the night. Constant mental engagement may feel productive, but it comes at a cost. Create a transition ritual at the end of the workday. Change clothes, take a walk, prepare dinner, play with your children, listen to a podcast or simply put the phone away.
Third, work fewer hours when you can. Sometimes this requires setting clearer boundaries, changing expectations or even changing roles. A helpful practice is to spend part of Friday planning the week ahead so unfinished business does not follow you through the weekend.
Finally, enjoy your life. This sounds simple, but busy people often forget to do it. Make room for hobbies, volunteering, family traditions, friendships and laughter. Put the phone in another room. Be present where you are.
Work-life balance may be an impossible standard. Work-life integration is probably more realistic. The real question is not whether your life looks perfectly balanced from the outside. It is whether the choices you are making reflect what matters most to you right now.