What Kind of Coach Are You?
When we hear the word coach, our minds usually jump to athletics. But coaching extends far beyond the playing field. There are life and business coaches, executive coaches, debate team coaches, book coaches, and the list goes on.
But have you ever thought of yourself as a coach? If you’re a leader, you’re coaching every time you provide feedback or encouragement. If you’re a parent, you’re coaching your children in how to speak, act, and make decisions. As a spouse or friend, you’re coaching whenever you respond to a complaint or a concern.
So, what does it take to be a good coach in any setting? Let’s look at three essential qualities: empathy, clarity, and kindness.
Be Empathetic
Coaching begins with understanding. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How are they showing up? Pay attention to their demeanor, attitude, body language, and tone of voice.
For instance, if a usually positive employee appears withdrawn or discouraged, pause before jumping into feedback. A simple, “Is everything okay today?” may be more effective than diving right into a critique. Depending on their response, it might be best to delay your feedback until they are in a better space to receive it.
Skipping this step can easily create defensiveness. Without empathy, your words may shut someone down rather than open them up.
Be Clear
As Brené Brown wisely says, “Clear is kind.” Vagueness leaves room for confusion, frustration, and misinterpretation.
Consider a fitness instructor correcting someone's form. Instead of saying, “Your back is arched,” a clearer direction would be: “Shift your shoulders above your hands and lower your hips.” The difference is specific, practical, and easy to apply.
The same applies in professional settings. Telling someone, “You interrupt people,” is too general. Instead, provide an example: “In Thursday’s management meeting, Betty Sue was explaining a problem when you jumped in with a clarification. It cut her off mid-thought and changed the direction of the conversation.”
Clarity makes feedback real, actionable, and much easier to embrace.
Be Kind
Many of us remember coaches or leaders who relied on intimidation, raising their voice, using harsh words, or tearing people down. Thankfully, this approach is no longer widely tolerated.
Being kind doesn’t mean avoiding firmness. It means choosing words, tone, and body language that encourage growth rather than inflicting harm. Even in high-stakes moments, such as addressing a serious mistake or facing the final minutes of a tight game, kindness yields better outcomes.
Instead of saying, “I’ve told you too many times to stop interrupting, and I can’t understand why you keep doing it,” reframe with positivity: “We’ve talked about how interruptions can derail the conversation, and I know you want to improve. Can you share what’s happening in the moment that prompts you to jump in?”
Kindness builds people up, helping them not only hear your feedback but also act on it.
Final Thought
Coaching isn’t limited to titles or job descriptions. Whether you’re at work, at home, or among friends, you’re coaching every day. By being empathetic, clear, and kind, you’ll not only guide others toward growth, but you’ll also strengthen your relationships in the process.
So, what kind of coach are you? Book a free discovery session via my website to find out. I would love to work with you!